Just a pipe dream...

Well after being inspired by the movie Julie&Julia, I decided that I should also begin a blog! I do love to cook, but don't have to money - or the time or patience - to cook my way through a French cookbook for Americans. Though give me a few years and I'll most certainly change my mind. What I do know about is weight loss! I'm a weight loss/gain machine. In November 2008, I began my journey, finally kicking the junk food habit & getting on the treadmill, losing 18kgs by the time I went back to uni the following year, in Feb 2009. During that time I hardly ate anything, was starving all day, every day, and exercised like a mad women. Though I lost the weight, I do not recommend it!

I reached 65kgs, and then planned to get down to 59kgs a little slower after that. When I plateaued at 64kgs (I'd be really strict all through the week with my diet, and then binge on Saturdays because I was so hungry!) for months, what began was a vicious cycle of dieting, bingeing, exercising, purging and starving myself to lose those last 5kgs. After spending a month eating anything and everything in sight during Winter holidays in 2009, I came back to Uni 5kgs heavier. I joined Weight Watchers at 69ks, and lost almost 10kgs, getting me to my smallest adult weight of 59kgs (I'm 169cm by the way). And here I am again, at approximately 64kgs, though I can't bear to weigh myself for fear of the damage done over the past two days where I've practically eaten myself out of house and home.

So this blog is yet another attempt to lose this weight for good! I need to be accountable to someone, and even if I never get any followers, I can at least know these thoughts that I write can be accessible if someone where to read them... thereby making me accountable to them... there's some logic in that isn't there?

I feel fat and discusting and hopeless right now, and 59kgs seems like just a pipe dream. I wasn't hungry when I binged today, nor did I enjoy what I ate, and I certainly can't afford to constantly replace the food I now won't have this week. Which begs the question, why did I do it? And there, my friends, is the million dollar question! Pretty sure I have a problem... hard to admit, but I've heard that's the first step. It's definitely a rebellion thing - society (and our waistlines!) reveal we shouldn't eat past the amount of calories we burn in a day, so I do it, and the only person that suffers is me!! Which is why I have to lose this weight once and for all, for no-one else but myself. Not one person cares if I'm 64kgs or 59kgs, just me!!

Why 59kgs you ask? I felt good at 59. I felt skinny. I liked my body. I felt healthy. I was healthy! I enjoy the healthy food I eat. I wish junk food and temptation didn't exist. I so want to be healthy.

My goal for this week is to be 63kgs when I weigh in on Friday. I just have to be persistent! That's the key. I'm on 19 points with Weight Watchers (though I can't afford meetings at the moment, so I'm doing it myself... well trying!), which has worked well in the past. I usually eat:

Breakfast - 2 weet bix with 1/2 cup skim milk, 1 cup tea with a dash of skim milk & 1 sugarine tablet (I don't like artificial stuff, but I tried to go off it and replace it with raw sugar, and just didn't like the taste!): 2.5 points

Lunch - 2 pieces of wholegrain bread, a dash of low fat mayonnaise, baby spinach and rocket, tomato with salt and pepper, beetroot, 3 slices of 97% fat free deli turkey meat & 1 slice of super slim cheese (processed slices): 4 points

Snacks - 175g Yoplait Forme yoghurt, 8 almonds, 1 pear or apple, 1 nectarine or 2 plums or 1 peach, 2 vita weats with vegemite or 10 plain rice crackers: 4.5 points

Dinner - 7 points worth. I usually like to have protein (either meat, or vegetarian) with salad or veggies. For example, tonight I had a chickpea/lentil veggie patty with a dash of mayo and a salad.

Supper - 1 cup of tea with a dash of skim milk, 1 sugarine tablet and 2 gingernut biscuits: 1 point.

I usually try and exercise every day for at least half an hour, except Tuesdays, which are my rest days because my Uni timetable is hectic. I'm doing PE Teaching at Uni by the way, which is even more incentive to get healthy!

I will attempt to write each night, after Biggest Loser (the only tv show I watch consistently!). Weigh in is Friday mornings... can't wait to see results!

Goodnight :)